The Non-AI Conversational Author Facsimile Simulator

Earlier this week, at the UBS Global Media and Communications Conference, the CEO of publisher HarperCollins, Brian Murray, talked about the possibilities of AI in the publishing sector. One of the ideas he floated, which has drawn a lot of attention, is this:
“One idea is a “talking book,” where a book sits atop a large language model, allowing readers to converse with an AI facsimile of its author.”
That’s actually the only idea I read, because I’ve seen it reskeeted over and over again and I’m not actually going to read a full article about AI in publishing because nobody should get that depressed right before Christmas.
But as a writer I am passionate that there is nothing an LLM can do that cannot be done better by an actual author. Humans are simply capable of putting thought and feeling into their work in a way that a word frequency analyser just can’t.
And so I have written an “Author companion”, a selection of phrases and interjections that you can refer to as you read Fermi’s Progress (available at Amazon or Scarlet Ferret) or Fermi’s Wake (available at Amazon or Scarlet Ferret), and it will be just like I’m in the room with you!

The Non-AI Conversational Author Facsimile Simulator!

Welcome reader! It is I, the author, your guide on this tale of excitement and adventure. Together we will see all the bizarre and thought provoking sights the cosmos has to offer. We will endure thrilling escapades meet strange alien beings, and maybe, just maybe, learn a little something about our own lives here on Earth?
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Read on! And I shall be your companion on this literary voyage through the stars!
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Go on then.
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Don’t mind me. Just enjoy the story, really let yourself get carried away by the narrative.
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No, ignore me, I’m just sitting here.
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I’m not staring.
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What bit were you laughing at just then?
Ha! Yeah, that was funny.
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Do want a cup of tea? Great! Can you get me one too? Just kidding! But you will have to get your own tea because I’m just a simulation.
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Okay! Okay! I’m not even paying any attention to you. Look, I’m looking at my phone.
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Ha! There’s this great Skeet here from Haus of Decline… no, never mind.
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Oh? You’re looking at your phone now? Just to check the time. Right. No, that’s fine. That’s totally getting carried away by the narrative that is.
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I am not making it weird.
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Man, you can tell I was really working through some stuff in this bit. It’s pretty buried in the subtext though, which is good, because otherwise that would be some severe oversharing, but… yeah, yeah it’s there if you know what to look for.
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No, this is actually the normal amount I breathe.
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Do you know how many of these ellipses between comments I typed out individually before realising I could just copy and paste them? A third. You thought it would be more than that? Wow. Really showing what you think of me here aren’t you?
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Ooh! Shush! SHUSH! This is the good bit!
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Oh wait, no. Sorry, it’s a while since I read this. That bit actually comes later.
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(Tuneless whistling)
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You know, a surprising amount of thought has gone into precisely what order these comments should go in. I’m really putting in the work here guys.
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What was that? That sort of half smile thing you did just there?
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Did you not like that bit? No! It’s fine, like, the book’s out of my hands now. Form your own opinions! Haha!
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(Sigh)
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It’s just, it helps to get that bit if… oh, you got that reference, did you? Oh. Well. Good.
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I mean you got it, but did you get it? Like, so much of pop culture is just playing “Snap!” these days. I really craft this stuff, that reference is there for a reason, it’s not just thrown in to give you a little dopamine hit from the recognition for Christ’s sake. It’s about context.
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…
This sucks.

If you want to read my books without my running commentary, you can buy the latest instalment of Fermi’s Wake, “For the Trees”, at Scarlet Ferret or Amazon, or you can buy the Fermi’s Wake season pass at Scarlet Ferret.

The first four Fermi tales are collected in Fermi’s Progress, available as a season pass from Scarlet Ferret or as a paperback from Amazon.

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